Tree Pose

Balance. Why is the idea such a difficult concept to come by? I’ve searched mentally, for many long and arduous years, for the possible answer to that question to no avail. Evaluating my actions, my thoughts, my physical being.

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The beginning

Yet, none really offered an explanation or some inkling as to why I struggle so hard to attain the elusive balance. And, not just the idea of balance, but balance in every dynamic of my life.

Emotions, thoughts, even in my body –something that’s becoming more and more difficult to reach thanks to scoliosis and my lack of self-discipline when it comes to my fitness routine.

Sometimes I even wonder, have I ever really known balance? Something that would validate this yearning in me for it. Something to help me understand the necessity or even if I am really lacking anything at all. So why then am I in such an earnest pursuit of it?

I think my first real encounter with questioning the idea of balance came during one of my earlier organized yoga experiences when I was pursuing my first of several undergraduate degrees in 2009.

We were asked to come to the center of our mats, ground our right foot, spreading out toes. Bring our hands up to our chest in prayer position, and when we were comfortable enough, slowly raised our left foot to the inside of our right shin.

Tree Pose

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Ah! The crazy lady tree pose

Seemed easy enough. With little to no effort, I managed to achieve the pose. After a few rounds of breath, we were then instructed to raise our left foot a little higher to the knee. Also, a fairly easy feat for me.

I had taken ballet for five years and such tasks were natural-enough. After repeating rounds of breath we were asked once more to lift our left foot to the inside of our thighs. No challenge then.

The true challenge occurred when we were then instructed to bend back in our stance as much as we were possibly able to without falling out of the stance or toppling entirely. Well, let’s just say, more than my behind was hurt that afternoon.

But I got to thinking shortly after –a habit I am still unable to shake—about all of the moments that I was either too distracted, or overly confident and found myself in a painful situation.

The memories were too many to count as they were too painful to remember. But there was always one consistency. One thing about each memory that linked them. Something in me always encouraged me to get up. Always helped me to overcome the fall or the hurt or the pain and try again.

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Please excuse the crazy lady hair

Negativity will always be present in every aspect of life. That’s something I’ve come to learn as time has gone by. But what also holds true is when there is a willingness in you to persevere and endure. When you are able to get up and brush yourself off, and try again; then that, in my opinion, is the greatest explanation of balance that I have to give.

Triumph in the face of adversity and defeat.

It may not be the best concept of balance out there. But it’s one worth noting given that it’s something we all face.

I bow to the divine in you as the spirit within me honors the spirit within you. Even in this crazy world.

Namas’Cray

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